THE WORST* WARRIORS OF ALL TIME
We conclude our two-part roasting of our least favorite basketball players on our favorite respective teams with Nev's least favorite Warriors.
I’d like to first make abundantly clear that I do not very much like admitting that I am a Warriors fan, but I feel obligated to root for my hometown team that has the ability to amaze me on any given night. As a Warriors fan living in the LA area during the Dubs’ meteoric rise, I was often forced to listen to the adversarial claims of salty Laker fans and affronted Clipper fans who seemed to think they had the superior side.
So now, after moving back to the Bay, I am now, how you say, woke to the many shortcomings the Warriors have as a sincerely endearing team to a sports fan. Yes, Steph is a baby who may not contain a single clutch gene within his wiry frame come playoffs, yes Durant should have gone somewhere else, and yes Draymond is an overweight child with the ability to effect the game without possessing any mentionable physical talents.
But most of all, it just isn’t that fun to see a team lose so seldomly. There’s something beautiful about the struggle, the mid-season lull followed by the last-minute surge into the playoffs. That’s why the 2007 Warriors remain my favorite sports team of all time, a mixture of grit and a few key pieces built on a small budget that came together and beat a nasty Mavericks squad in the first round of the playoffs.
Regardless of my current fandom, it’s time to delve into the real shitbags who have plagued the court at Oracle Arena.
By the numbers: 9 seasons - 510 GP 6.4 PPG 7.1 RPG 0.9 APG 50% FT
Notable Warriors Highs: Points - 31 11/24/06 vs. DEN Rebounds - 22 11/3/08 vs. MEM Assists - 8 1/7/09 vs. LAL
The Languished Latvian, as I like to call him. If you’ve ever tried to shoot free throws with Andris in 2K, then you know exactly why he cracks this list. You’ve got a better chance of ordering a Taco Bell burrito that looks exactly like it does in the commercials than Andris ever had of sinking two in a row from the stripe. I kid you not, he shot under 40% six out of his 10 seasons in the league, and under 20% (!!!) three times.
It was so delightfully painful to watch, and dude never figured it out. He received significant minutes with the Warriors for NINE YEARS before they relinquished him to free agency. At a stalwart 6.3 career PPG, Biedrins was integral to an overall stagnant period in Warriors history. Yes, he was a part of the 2007 squad that I hold onto so dearly, but he was also a key contributing piece to the misery we had to endure for so long.
By the numbers: 10 seasons - 641 GP 4.4 PPG 5.0 RPG 0.5 APG 1.8 BLK
Notable Warriors Highs: Points - 20 4/9/04 vs. MIN Rebounds - 20 3/11/03 vs. PHO Blocks - 8 2/26/01 vs. CHI
Another long-tenured Warrior (10 years), Foyle was highly touted out of Toothpaste U, also known as Colgate. The Dubs took him with the 8th overall in ‘97, and of course he never panned out. He showed signs of ability, only to follow them with a missed dunk or a shot that missed the backboard completely.
It was tough to see Adonal run, as he constantly seemed like he was trudging up and down the court on like an old Ford Pinto on E. His one redeeming quality was his rim presence on D, but even his saving grace was forever tarnished when Kobe disrespected him on a poorly contested dunk. Keep in mind that Foyle was raking in a cool 7 mill a year to put in two buckets a night.
By the numbers: 1 seasons - 16 GP 1.2 PPG 1.9 RPG 1.3 APG
Notable Warriors Highs: Points - 7 12/9/07 vs. LAL Rebounds - 7 12/5/07 vs. MIL
DJ only played 16 games for the Dubs in ‘07, but I wouldn’t dare omit him from this list. He is one of the NBA’s most celebrated jokes, and his odd visage and mannerisms kept him in the league for eight seasons. Just looking at this guy is enough to make even the most stoic of hoop fans chuckle.
He had an imposing figure, but never really got around to using it all that much. He never averaged over 3 PPG once in his career, and in today’s age of the 7-footer, would never be considered much of a prospect. Always a fan favorite, but we must remember how much this man sucked absolute ass.
By the numbers: 5 seasons - 356 GP 10.6 PPG 4.7 RPG 2.5 APG
Notable Laker Highs: Points - 32 1/11/03 vs. PHI Rebounds - 20 3/2/04 vs. IND Assists 8 1/3/05 vs. PHI
It’s been mesmerizing to see Dunleavy’s career progress into a catalogue of pretty decent numbers. Dude can definitely play, but I was never able to look past the fact that his dad was an NBA coach at the time he was with the Warriors. Sure, he would have nights that he put up 15 and 6, but I always just wrote it off as a fluke.
“Guy’s in the league ‘cause of his connections,” 12-year-old me would indignantly say. This was at a period of my life when I was playing with the son of Warriors great Chris Mullin. His son was a talented, but exorbitantly overrated, and not to mention a resounding crybaby. This is to give some context to my dislike of Dunleavy. I almost didn’t want the guy to succeed, and I would grit my teeth in loathing as he would lead the my beloved Warriors to a close-margin win.
You’ll notice I didn’t link a video to Mikey. There’s no available footage of him inexplicably turning over the ball leading to a momentum-changing fastbreak dunk, much to my chagrin.
By the numbers: 7 seasons - 425 GP 9.5 PPG 7.8 RPG 1.0 APG 1.7 BLK
Notable Laker Highs: Points - 31 11/22/02 vs. MIL Rebounds - 25 3/28/04 vs. LAC Blocks - 7 1/12/04 vs. MEM
Dampier was the epitome of averageness combined with an air of misplaced arrogance that greatly accelerated my frustrations with the Warriors at the beginning of my GSW fandom from ‘02-’04. The guy was a douche, no two ways about it. It’s difficult to put my finger on it exactly, but he was just innately dislikable. Perhaps it was the headband-sweatband combo that he so brashly donned. There’s something to be said about a 16-year veteran whose most viewed YouTube video is him getting posterized by Iguodala.
There you have it, in all my years as a Warriors fan, these are my five least favorite players to ever put on that classic navy and orange jersey. The Warriors have entered a new era of prosperity, but the Faithful will never forget these rag-tag group of individuals that made us all cringe at one point or another.